I’m so thankful for the summer I’ve had. Every day that I’m at North Loop (our church building in Alameda) I thank God for the community we have here and the abundance of work that we have to do. I started this summer wanting to take seriously Pastor Ed and Kelly’s encouragement to all of us at our team meeting to make this a summer of service. They gave words of wisdom that were precious to me because of my insecurity, that the way out of insecurity is to become practiced in serving, because everyone can serve and learn to be good at serving. So I made a commitment to go wherever I was needed and to do whatever needed to be done, starting with this summer. Because I’m naturally a selfish person, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to pull through or give myself fully.

Far from my expectations and worries, this summer I’ve experienced that there is simply joy and freedom in serving God. I experienced that when I’m fully available, then I have no time slots to protect or worry about keeping for myself. I got to spend time with the director sisters at Northloop. Seeing a little bit of what they do at Northloop, I can more deeply appreciate the huge responsibilities each one of them has, against the limited time of each 24-hour day, and I’m amazed that they always have time for people! It also brings me so much joy to see waves of people working at Northloop for different reasons, preparing for Worldview Camp, discipleship retreat, mission trips, Austin farewell, NSWN, and then hearing about how God worked through those events. And I see how we are a church community that carries each other, especially with the encouragement and accountability of northloop.edu for those who are job-searching, and the Northloop lunches that allow everybody to take a break from their work and eat together.

Personally, I’m thankful for the way I’ve been changed in little ways this summer. I can see that over the course of the summer I’ve changed in the way I respond to opportunities for work. Now I’m not so afraid of work, which I used to be very reluctant to volunteer for. My reaction time is speeding up as opportunities arise, because I’m simply willing to put one step forward and give it a try, and my ownership over the tasks I’m given has grown. As I take part in various needs throughout the church, I feel more connected to the church as a whole and have a growing sense that this is my church, I’m not just in this one small group or department. I’ve also realized that I’ve learned most of the useful skills I have through this church—Photoshop from Carmen and Joyce, mail merging from Sunny, plotting from Richard, etc. I’m blessed to be part of a church that equips me to serve and a church that has the meaningful work of God where I can give my blessings back to. I’ve realized that I don’t deserve to be entrusted with the work of God and it’s a great privilege to serve Him. It’s exciting to see how God actually uses the meager efforts of finite people to make an eternal impact on people’s lives, and I’m thankful that I can be a part of it.

What's harder than trying to lead a retreat for a bunch of Fourth Thru Sixth graders? Leading them but having your hard drive crash 20 minutes before you're supposed to give them the message! Well, that's what happened to me during Gracepoint’s Annual FTS (Fourth through Sixth) Retreat. I gave my first message on Friday night and then prepared and edited my next message after getting feedback from the teachers and stayed up until the wee hours of the night. I woke up the next morning got a hot meal and came back to my room to get my laptop - only to find it had crashed. Trying to reboot it, I realized it was DEAD with only 20 minutes away from the 2nd message. I had no local copy of my presentation which included 2 video clips of the universe and the cell. I was dust. I luckily had a copy of the video clips but it was on my machine at work. I had lost all of my notes and slides. So while the students went to Pinecrest Lake, I worked on my four other messages.

But one thing I knew, I wasn't alone. I called upon my friends and fellow staff back in Alameda. I called Josh to help me with my message examples, I used some of Daniel Kim's old notes and examples, I got tech support help from Michael Kang and David Wu, I got a replacement license key from Kevan Ho who was visiting Austin to help me with my slideshow and I got additional and invaluable feedback from the FTS teachers, and I got a lot of prayer from countless other people. I felt the church in action as I knew that although I was giving these messages there many people helping me and I really experienced the church. In the end, three of the kids made decisions to become Christ followers. I was floored and stunned. Hearing their clear prayers and decisions, I saw it was God who was working in the hearts of these children, long before I was even in the picture. I felt so privileged that he would use me in even this small way to bring the message. After our nightly meeting where we shared these decisions and prayed for these kids and as I walked back to my room I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving and cried as I praised the Lord and thanked him for using a sinner like me. I thought how could He use me and I was filled with gratitude. Although this was the hardest thing I've had to do, it was one of the most rewarding and I can honestly say I would do this again; all the "hard" stress was worth it!

I think one of the best parts of the retreat was the atmosphere. It was eye opening and thought provoking while still being fun and relaxed. Some people expected another winter retreat with all day messages, while others expected a snow trip kind of retreat. It was actually a healthy mix of both. Looking back on it, it feels like we spent a week up there, which is why I can't believe it was only about 2 days.

People always tell me that Sophomore year is the most difficult/challenging year due to new living situations, insecurities, and spiritual growth. But from the experiences at the retreat (ex. vision sharing, Q and A with Pastor Ed and Kelly, talking during meals/hike), I got to see that each one of us is as insecure, irrational, and clueless about the future as the next peer. Now I feel that we can all just be honest with ourselves and make the most of this year. That barrier of being casual acquaintances with most of my peers outside of my home group was broken this past weekend. One thing I learned was that, in order to really get to know my peers, I need to take initiative and go beyond the casual interactions of games and sports and dig deep in sharing how I see God working in my life and what He's been telling me. It's so true that friends can go for months, and sometimes even years, without getting past the "fun and games" part of life.

It was great getting to know Pastor Ed and Kelly. They're actually very fun to be around! There is that aspect of them being as old as my parents and them being the leader of my leader's leader's leader, but I think it's healthy. Seeing them talk about their visions for us and our future, watching them live their daily lives, and learning the word of God through them gave me a new conviction on how I want to live my life.

This past weekend really made me appreciate all the peers God blessed me with and the Sierra Lodge. Life at Sierra Lodge is just different. You eat together, work together, learn together, have fun together, and praise God together. It's worry free. It's you, your brothers and sisters, and God.

This past week was Corrie’s last week with us in Berkeley. Some of the kids decided (helped along by one of the moms) to get together and have their own farewell for her. These kids have an experience few of us in the world have – they have been friends their entire lives, shared and passed down the same crib, worn each others hand-me-downs sometimes four to five generations down, were babysat together while their parents were in prayer meetings and staff meetings, went to school together, and of course learned the sacred art of fighting and saying sorry—and all of this, together. Corrie is now ten years old and she and Josiah were born the same year, though Corrie is decidedly taller and with a voice an octave lower. And now, after ten years of friendship and doing everything together, Corrie was getting on a plane to join the rest of her family in Austin as they start our Gracepoint Austin church.

I was at Northloop on the day of this farewell and had the privilege of being a part of it. The menu was none other than California Rolls in honor of her last day in California and there was a sign put up on the whiteboard that read: “We will miss you, Corrie soooo much!” Sprinkled on the board, were a dozen “corrie-isms” including things like “that’s too much!” “devastating!” and others that revealed that indeed, she is her father’s daughter. Next on the program after dinner was a song and dance, where the kids changed one of the Joyland song lyrics for this occasion. Josiah was in the front leading with full limb extension. This song/dance combo (or shamelessly making a fool out of yourself for the joy and sake of your honored friend) is an age-old practice they’ve seen the adults do for weddings, farewells, and they’ve gotten quite good at in their own right. Some of the lines from the song were “we’re gonna spread, we’re gonna spread, we’re gonna spread the light of Jesus.” It wasn’t the most coordinated dance, but there was a lot of heart. After the laughs, we got together around the table and had a time of sharing. The prompt was “one thing I appreciate about Corrie.”

Some of the things shared:

“When we’re playing in the warehouse and we’re all dead tired, Corrie’s the one who says, ‘Who wants ice water?’ and goes and gets us water.”
“Her contagious enthusiasm!”
From one of the aunties: “I’m going to miss cooking for Corrie, because even if it’s the most normal meal, she says, “THANK YOU SO MUCH! This is SO good!”
“When we went bowling, she was the one who gave high-fives to everyone, even for gutter balls. She’s such an encourager. I’m gonna miss that.”
There was a cake decorated by her friends and a group picture. The next day at 5:00am, her friends, bleary-eyed, piled into cars with their moms and saw their friend off at Oakland Airport with tears.

On one hand, it was a small affair, but in another light, this was a vintage moment of the church I’ve come to call home. What happened at that tiny gathering was a microcosm of what happened just a couple weeks before when Corrie’s parents and the Austin team left. We had a big farewell for them, the customary shameless dances, about a hundred people’s sharings of how they’ve impacted our lives, and the morning they left at 5:00am, two hundred people, bleary eyed, piled into their cars to Oakland Airport, and saw our friends off with many, many tears.

What I saw in that snapshot of the kids’ farewell was something precious, something you couldn’t teach in a couple Sunday school lessons about loving your neighbor. They learned about loving your neighbor from actually squabbling with, fighting with, getting in trouble with your neighbor. They learned to share their toys because their parents had shared their toys, their money, their hearts. They learned that family lines were blurry and that they were stuck with each other like family. They learned other people were precious by sharing their food with countless college and grad students their parents would invite over. (I remember when Corrie was about 7, turning to her mom when I was over saying, “Does Auntie Jenny just come over to eat?”) They learned that the gospel was so precious that it was worth picking up and leaving your friends for, even when it hurt.

Every May, our tradition of cheering on graduating seniors with thunderous applause during commencement has always been a memorable moment for me ever since my freshman year. It is a celebration of how they made it through four years of all-nighters, research papers, and final exams, and at an institution like UC Berkeley, it is quite an accomplishment.

Now on the receiving end, in my own cap and gown, I have reflected on the past four years and what I have accomplished. On one of my graduation cards, it read "Congratulations on surviving four years at CAL and also surviving the spiritual journey!" It really struck me then that people were cheering for more than just academic achievement at the Greek Theatre every May. My leaders and friends were proud of me, not because I gave it my all during classes, but because I gave it all spiritually. Despite my mistakes and setbacks while trying to love and serve people, they're proud of how I got back up again and tried to be faithful. I think they were happy that I tried to lead a DT group, lived in the dorms to minister to freshmen, and tried to reach out to my friends, and although these things did not necessarily bring people to our church, I got to connect with God in a deeper way, realizing my purpose in God's work, and learning to give sacrificially. I was able to experience so much more than what could be summarized on a transcript or diploma—the care in a God-centered community, the opportunities in kingdom work, and a glimpse into the heart of God.

In a sense, through all the ups and downs of Christian living, I survived a leg of my spiritual journey, a time in which voices were simply saying to give up on Christian life or to strive after ambition and to prepare for my future instead of serving God. Yet even through all the failures and times when I gave into these voices, I finished—a job done. And in the end, I can't say that I graduated UC Berkeley with highest honors, but I know I had tried to give it my all, to give glory and honor to the Highest.