Personal Lessons from My Trip to Cambodia
Life is not about me. It’s about God, the gospel, and what He is doing in the world. Life is all about what God is doing and not about what I am doing and what I can do. The first week of my stay in Cambodia, I was struck by the level of poverty that I saw and I was heart-broken by the kind of circumstance and environment that people and children were living in. Many of the houses that I saw were but planks of uneven wood put together with a sheet of metal used as roofs. As I saw the children that came to Life University, many of them did not have shoes on, their clothes were dirty, and their teeth were all rotten and black. It was hard for me to see these children being dropped off at their homes, as their homes were located in alley ways and they were living in destitute conditions. Going to Tuol Sleng on our way to Life University was unbearable, as I was brought to imagine the tragedy of this unspeakable evil that happened not that long ago. And seeing many people on the streets, children who were so lost, simply struggling to make a day to day living made me really sad and I started to wonder how things are really going to get better.
Then I looked at our mission team’s efforts during the first week of my stay: running short 30 minute chapel times for one week, teaching different kinds of classes on English, Art, Music, etc. and constantly thinking about how to better communicate & serve the students at Life U. Frankly, I felt that our efforts were so small and I began to doubt what difference can we really make during our short time here. I found myself getting teary-eyed many times just thinking about the people, their tragic history, and their destitute conditions.
But God started the work of changing my perspective as I went out to visit people in the villages. On Tuesday of our first week, a group of us had a chance to visit a mother of one of the kindergarten girl at Life U. Her name was Salet and when we told her that we came from the US to share about God, she told us that she already believes. She agreed that because people don’t know God, people commit all kinds of bad things – that she even see older men going to bed with young children and she grieved over human wickedness. She also told us that she has a neighbor who would like to hear about God and called her over right away. Her neighbor’s name was Hea-An and we presented the bridge gospel presentation to her and when we asked her what she thought of it, she asked “How can I be a good Christian?” I think I told her that with any broken relationship, you come to tell the other party sorry and ask for the relationship to be restored and same with God. She told us that she cannot attend church because she had to take care of her family and work on Sundays. I responded that new Christians are like newborn infants who need spiritual feeding from mature Christians who have known God longer. I also tried to encourage her by telling her that God knows the number of hairs on her head and that God will make provisions for her and her family. We asked her if she wanted to make a decision to become a Christian, she emphatically said, “Yes”. I confirmed her understanding of the bridge, then the fact that she is a sinner and she said yes to all this. I felt humbled by her simple trust in what I had shared and we prayed for her decision. After we were done with prayer, I couldn’t contain my thankfulness and amazement of the moment and I was reminded of what Jesus said about the whole heaven rejoicing over one sinner that repents. I felt so joyful as I shared this with her and she shed tears with me. The amazing thing is that the following Sunday, she came to church with Salet on a moto even though it was raining quite a bit. I really did not do or say much, but it was God who had been at work in this woman’s heart to prepare her for the moment. My eyes begin to open to see God at work.
I also visited another family with a mom, dad, and a grandmother who happen to visit her grandchildren. We shared the gospel with them and the man’s response was “How can I have a relationship with God?” Although he did not make a decision he told us that he wants to learn more about the Bible so that if others were to ask questions to him, he would be able to respond “confidently” and “sincerely”. Apparently he has been listening to a Christian station on the radio in the mornings from 4:30 – 5:30am. With this and many other visits, I felt so encouraged to know that the message of Christianity and God’s love & truth was being communicated. So many people that I met in the villages have already heard about the gospel or they were at least very open to listening.
I think that the best experience that I had on this trip that broadened my perspective of God being at work was through our overnight stay at a village called Bot Veng. This village is a snake capital of Cambodia and was a remote place that we needed to go on a boat. We got a chance to spend 3 days there and I got to really bond with the children through teaching and playing. They were so affectionate and open towards us and were eager to learn and spend time with us. I got a chance to really bond with a group of first grade girls and they were so attached. I loved the singing time, especially when they sang “Your Love is Deep” and I really felt that God loved these kids so much. Who can really separate them from God’s love? The answer is “Nothing!” With the little that we do, they loved it and I was so thankful that we were able to teach and put in their hearts the seed of the gospel and the truth about God’s words to them. I got to visit some of their parents and families as I did door to door evangelism and I was encouraged to hear that they have heard the gospel at least once and some were part of a cell group, where a Bible leader would come and teach the Bible. I felt so much hope for this village because the gospel had come.
“My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working” (John 5:17). What I saw and experienced these past 2 weeks made me realize that God is indeed at work and I am simply called to join and participate in what He is doing already. So many times this past year in doing ministry, the focus was usually on me – in terms of what I needed to get done, what I needed to say, what I needed to think up, etc. In giving my efforts and energy, I often found myself losing steam and getting tired. It was because I believed that so much of what’s going to happen and what has been happening depended on me. But through this mission trip, it became so clear that God is the main character who is doing the work of drawing and moving people to himself and working in their hearts. As Tony and I will be involved in leading a Kairos group this upcoming school year, I want to simply allow myself to see what God is already doing and join Him in His work. I feel like the shift happened from trusting myself and what I can do to trusting in God and what He can do.
What I was really inspired, rebuked, and challenged by were the Christians that I had met throughout the trip. A group of Bible students came with us to Bot Veng village and they were so servant-like and humble, taking care of everything for us, from buying all the food for our 3 day stay, bringing mats, and other amenities we would need for sleeping and cooking. They would wake up and start cooking breakfast from 6 in the morning, only to start preparing for lunch, then dinner for about 30 of us. They were squatting most of the time to cook, wash, and so quick to meet whatever need we had. Furthermore they would stay up until 2 am to keep the generator going just in case any of us would need to use the restroom. Doing all this and more, they were cheerful and rather grateful to us for doing what we did for Cambodia. One Bible student named Jesse, on our last night’s stay in Penom Penh, cleaned all our rooms and bathrooms while we were out eating breakfast. I was humbled and rebuked by their service and humility, as I thought about how I often want to do things for my own satisfaction, to gain recognition from others, or doing things with a grumbling heart. These Bible student’s were full of gratitude and cheerful service and I could not but to term their lives as “beautiful”. Their lives really melted by heart and drew me closer to them. Timothy Rhee at the leaders’ Bible study group shared how being a spiritual leader is not so much about preaching and words, but about living out the gospel with our lives on a day to day basis. It is with my life, the way that I am serving, interacting with others, the way that I am spending my time, money, and energy that the gospel can be communicated to the people around me and I committed to the people around me and I repented of having driven by many wrong motives.
Another lesson that God taught me regarding my attitude towards starting Kairos ministry is that I really had nothing to point to as an excuse to say that I am not ready. Many Christians that I met who were doing ministry and evangelism in the villages, leading even more than one church at a time were so young. They were in their early and mid 20s but they did not waste time thinking, hesitating, saying that they are insecure about this, inadequate in that, or even needing to take care of their personal lives. Rather, with what they learned in Bible school and what they knew to be true, they went out boldly, trying to meet the spiritual needs of so many people in numerous villages. They understood that people are so needy and they did not waste time mulling over anything. Compared to them, I had been a Christian longer than they have, have been trained in the Bible and even apologetics so much more, and have had the blessing of being part of a strong and supportive Christian community, and it would be so inappropriate of me to try to hide behind some small insecurity or inadequacy that I felt. I have received so much and have been trained so much and I am more than ready to be fully involved in God’s work.
One concrete application that I want to apply is to live a life of gratitude and simplicity. Being out in the villages made me realize that I take so many things for granted. I am thankful for the clean water that I can wash with, for drinking water, for hot water that come out at the turn of a faucet, for roads that I can walk on without having to worry about leeches or snakes biting or being sunk in very deep mud, for soap, for food, for my cushioned bed, etc. While so many of these villagers don’t have access to these things, I somehow have the privilege to enjoy them, and I ought to always thank God for all these and should never complain about anything. Furthermore, I realized that I need to live a life of simplicity if I am going to live a focused life of living out the gospel and doing God’s work. The Christians that I met who had the most impact on me were people like sister YoungRan, Bunny, Maria, etc. who really had no concern for their personal comfort, possessions, and desires, but spent their time, money, and energy in showing God’s love and truth to people. YoungRan was always on her feet trying to arrange meetings for Christians (nursing students, Christian lecturers/professors), non-Christians so that more people at Life U can become Christians and for Christians to grow more in their faith. Brother Bunny was someone who graduated from Bible School at Life U, and is currently pasturing 2 churches, and works at Life U as a secondary teacher for his income. He is very poor, but he uses part of his income to sponsor 2 students to get education/go to school. He has such a burden for people and he would do whatever he can to meet the needs of the people.
What also really struck me through visiting many different village churches in Cambodia, as well as meeting Christian leaders there is that there are so many people who suffer for the gospel. In fact, there is really nothing they can gain or benefit from preaching & living out the gospel, and they are simply struggling to be faithful to their ministries because they believe that the gospel is true. Our team visited a church in a village that had many Muslims and a mosque & I heard that this is one of the villages where some people attempted to burn houses down because of the Christians. I really felt for the pastor whose very life and his family was not stable and in danger, and these experiences really opened my eyes to recognize that there are so many people suffering for the gospel. In contrast, as a Christian, I gain and benefit in so many different ways: resources, relationships, co-laborers, help with many different aspects of my personal life, etc. and these blessings do not necessarily follow every believing Christian. I committed to pray more for the brothers & sisters in other parts of the world who are trying to remain faithful and stand up for the truth of the gospel.
I am so thankful that I had an opportunity to go on this mission trip to Cambodia and for the many lessons that He has taught me. I only pray that I will never be the same from the insights I gained and the commitments that I made.